Picture Books to Help Grieving Children

 Here is a link to blogpost I wrote for my library district about Childhood Grief Awareness Month.  It's more than just a list of books to read to children who have lost someone, but categorized different death/grief picture books and when to read each kind.

Grief is Like a Snowflake

No one ever knows when tragedy may strike.  Statistics show that most children will face a significant loss in their childhood.  Though not a pleasant subject, being prepared to answer children’s questions about death and help children through their grief is beneficial.  Parents and caregivers will be instructed by a representative from Ted E. Bear Hollow, Omaha’s center for children, teens, and their families grieving the death of a family member or friend.  Miss Tammy will share a gentle story about loss, followed by light-hearted snowflake fun for children of all ages!  This program will last about 45 minutes.

Books

Grief is Like a Snowflake by Julia Cook; illustrated by Anita DuFalla

Snowflakes Fall by Patricia MacLachlan and Steven Kellogg

Songs/Rhymes/Fingerplays

Snowflakes, Snowflakes (from Holiday Zone)
Tune: "Are You Sleeping?"

Snowflakes, snowflakes,
Snowflakes, snowflakes,
All around,
All around--
Whirling, twirling snowflakes,
Whirling, twirling snowflakes,
Hit the ground,
Hit the ground. 

Snowflakes, Snowflakes

Tune: "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

Snowflakes, snowflakes, dance around,
Snowflakes, snowflakes, touch the ground
Snowflakes, snowflakes, in the air
Snowflakes, snowflakes, everywhere
Snowflakes, snowflakes, dance around
Snowflakes, snowflakes, touch the ground

Activity:  Snowflakes using coffee filters and Epsom Salt for "sparkles".

We had three adults attend the workshop and I had four children (ages 6-11) for stories.  All of them are dealing with a recent loss in their lives.  Although numbers are important to look at when measuring the success of a program, sometimes a number alone does not tell the whole story.  Even though the turnout for this program was relatively small in number those that attended left with important information about helping their child(ren) through loss.  It will be impossible to quantify the number of others who may be served later because they heard about the program but didn’t attend, who later need that information and remember that the library had offered a program, or those who share with someone later that they heard about our program.  

Children's Grief Awareness Day

Many children will experience the death of a person close to them.  Children's Grief Awareness Day is the day to acknowledge the grief children go through when they have experienced a death in their lives.

Loving and understanding parents and caregivers are key for children as they grieve.  However, sharing books about death and dying can also be very beneficial to children.  Books are something children are familiar with and to be able to identify with a character in a story who is facing similar feelings can be comforting to a child.  Books can also help parents and caregivers understand their children's feelings and how to help them through the difficult times.

The Bellevue Public Library has a special kit specifically for this purpose.  It was donated to the library from Ted E. Bear Hollow--a center for grieving children and teens in the Omaha Metro.  This kit, First Aid Kits for Grieving Hearts, contains books about death and dying which are written specially for children.  They address tender feelings in appropriate ways and answers questions simply for children.

The kit includes these items:

• A bunch of balloons
• A complete book about death for kids
• Children grieve, too
• Finding Grandpa everywhere
• I heard your Daddy died
• I heard your Mommy died
• I know I made it happen
• Lifetimes : the beautiful way to explain death to children
• Lilacs for Grandma
• Lost and found : remembering a sister
• Since my brother died (Desde que murio mi hermano)
• The healing tree
• The saddest time
• What does that mean? : a dictionary of death, dying and grief terms for grieving children, and those who love them
• When Mommy went to Heaven
• When someone dies
• A benefit for BearHUGS (DVD)--An introduction to Ted E. Bear Hollow and what parents can do to help their grieving child(ren)
• Flyer and information about Ted E. Bear Hollow
• A teddy bear to cuddle (and keep!)

Although parents and caregivers hope they will never have to deal with death, being aware of local resources can benefit families when the need arises.  A special educational event at the library is being planned for January for parents, caregivers, and other adults who interact with children.  This event will feature a workshop for these caring adults, facilitated by Ted E. Bear Hollow, while children will enjoy stories, songs, and activities in another room.  Watch for details in our January calendar!

I Spy...Back to School!

It seems way too early to start thinking about heading back to school...but it's just three weeks away for children in Bellevue Public Schools (first day of school--Tuesday, August 13th).

Starting school can be an emotional roller coaster ride for children.  There are usually feelings of anticipation, excitement, fear and a myriad of other emotions. Books can help address these feelings and aid in helping children get ready emotionally for school to start.  Stop by the library to pick up some books to help ease your child into another school year.  We have many on display so you can quickly choose a few!

Children can also stop by the "I Spy" Back to School table display.  There are lots of school supplies and some special things to find among it all.  Here is the poem that tells about the game.  (I adapted it from this poem).

What a lot of things to see,
When it’s time for school!
Rulers, markers, and pens for me.
When it’s time for school.
Scissors, pencils, crayons too
Lots of paper and a bottle of glue!
What a lot of things to see,
When it’s time for school!

What a lot of things to find 
When it’s time for school!
Five gold stars, four paper clips;
Three letter Bs are cool.

A rubber band, there’s one or two

Finally, one eraser, blue.

What a lot of things to find,

When it’s time for school!

Books about Death

Sometime in every child's life they will have experiences with death.  Some may be far removed, like a great-grandparent that they've only meet once or twice.  But other deaths will be much closer to their hearts and will be difficult to get through.  Loving and understanding parents and caregivers are key for children as they grieve.  However, sharing books about death and dying can also be very beneficial to children.  Books are something children are familiar with and to be able to identify with a character in a story who is facing similar feelings can be comforting to a child.  Books can also help parents and caregivers understand their children's feelings and how to help them through the difficult times.

Parents and caregivers need to be sensitive to child's feelings and needs.  Two most important things a parent can do is:  1. Be available  2. Listen  Every child will grieve differently and on a different timetable. 

The library has several books about death and dying that may help your child as they grieve a loss--of a family member, a friend, or a pet.  Here are a few examples of books available about death.

The Scar by Charlotte Moundlic

And What Comes After a Thousand?  by Anette Bley

Good-bye Sheepie by Robert Burleigh; illustrated by Peter Catalanotto

Grandma's Purple Flowers by Adjoa J. Burrowes

When People Die by Sarah Levete

What is Goodbye?  by Nikki Grimes; Illustrated by Raul Colon

There are also books written for adults to help children deal with grief, such as:

The Journey Through Grief and Loss:
Helping yourself and your child when grief is shared
by Robert Zucker

What Children Need When They Grieve:
The Four Essentials--Routine, Love, Honesty, and Security
by Julia Wilcox Rathkey

This blog (Books that Heal Kids) is a wonderful resource of additional books that you may want to use when addressing grief situations with your child.